Krishna Kshetra Swami – April 30, 2015 (first draft)

[Nṛsiṁhadeva has just burst forth from the portico pillar of Indra’s palace, roaring and blazing with wrath. Hiraṇyakaśipu and Nṛsiṁhadeva have a “heart to heart” conversation (none of their words are heard by others)]

H’pu: Oh ho-o-o! Ho ho-o-o! Oh no-o-o! U-u-h oh!!! But No! Have I not seen you somewhere before?

Nṛsiṁha: Yyess, don’t you know? It’s been a looong time since we last met, hasn’t it?

H’pu: But no, you’re not Vishnu, are you? What’s with the lion get-up and all that? No, not Vishnu. And even if you are Vishnu, it doesn’t matter. You are powerless – powerless to harm me!

Nṛsiṁha: Is that so, is it?

H’pu: That is so! I have all my benedictions from Lord Brahmā, yes I do. Sorry, no way you can kill me – ha ha!

Nṛsiṁha: No way to kill you? I will decide that.

H’pu: Oh no you won’t – Lord Brahmā has already decided! I can’t be killed during the day nor during the night – just this condition wraps it up.

Nṛsiṁha: (with mock surprise) Oh, really! So then which time is it now, day or night?

H’pu: Doesn’t matter. It’s day of course, I mean, it’s kind of night time….well, almost.

Nṛsiṁha: In other words, it is neither day nor night. Now is the hour of the evening sandhi, and just as you say, it is neither day nor night. Pleasant time really, don’t you think? Birds are quiet, sun has set but stars are yet to appear… quite charming! Let’s enjoy it for just a moment, shall we?

H’pu: A moment, yes, NO, WAIT! Day, night, or whatever, doesn’t matter, for time is only one consideration; there is also place, and I hold the benediction never to die either within or outside of a building. And as you see, I am presently within Indra’s palace – uh, I am presently outside Indra’s palace – uh, I am BOTH within and outside Indra’s palace…

Nṛsiṁha: I would put the matter slightly differently – you are neither within nor are you outside the building in question, for you are on the portico, defined by all śilpa- and vastu-śāstras as being a threshold, belonging neither to the inside nor – (sighs, shakes his head) dare I say, to the outside.

H’pu: You do take yourself to be quite clever, don’t you? Ha ha! But clearly you don’t know me; you don’t know what austerities I have done to please Lord Brahmā to obtain immortality! But why waste time with you? I will dispatch you and be done with it (waves his sword, makes a thrust at Nṛsiṁhadeva, who deflects the sword with a swipe of his hand).

Nṛsiṁha: Now now, let’s not get overly excited, shall we? There is really no point in putting on such a show. A small surgical operation will take care of everything. Just relax and don’t resist, and everything will be fine. Don’t worry, this won’t take long.

H’pu (voice shaking): No, no you don’t! You can’t! I….you…Lord Brahmā… He gave me another benediction. Ha ha, yes! I can be killed by neither man nor beast. And you…you are obviously a beast, a lion! No, you are a man! No! You are both a man and a lion! So. Ha. Nothing you can do to me!

Nṛsiṁha (rolling his eyes): Do allow me to re-phrase your point. You can be killed by neither man nor beast. Indeed, I fully agree. (In a low voice) But I am just that, neither man nor beast, but rather both. (whispers) I am Vishnu in my half-man, half-lion avatāra!

H’pu (more nervous): Yeah, yeah, sure. I’m impressed. Quite a get-up you have there, what with the mane, the teeth, the claws – not bad. I’m impressed. But sorry, it won’t do. I have another benediction, not to be killed by any weapon! So there! You’re club, your cakra, forget it, won’t do anything to me! Ha haa….(squeels) No, no, (Nṛsiṁhadeva grabs him around the waist), NO, you can’t….

Nṛsiṁha: Yeah, yeah, I know all that about the weapons. Don’t worry, I won’t assail you with any of my invincible weapons, because I DO want to honor Lord Brahmās cute little benedictions he gave you, nor do any of my weapons have inclination to bother themselves with the likes of you. No, have no fear, none of that. You see, I have something else… right at hand, so to speak, and that is my fingernails – my claws, if you want to call them that (shows his claws to H’pu, wiggling them).

H’pu (shaking thoroughly): No, no, NO weapons allowed. Claws are weapons! No claws allowed, Brahmā’s benediction. Don’t forget!

Nṛsiṁha: I don’t forget, don’t worry. No, claws are not weapons, never were, never will be. Not extra devices, just natural growths from the body. Rather slick, don’t you think? And ten of them! Lovely, smooth…yet sharp as razors. And yet completely natural, biological, eco-friendly—run on renewable energy. No fuss, no muss! …And…no collateral damage when sent to their target!!

H’pu (being held in the air by Nṛsiṁhadeva): But you simply waste my time! I have yet another benediction – to be killed neither on land nor in the sky, and right now you are holding me in the ssskkk….yyy.

Nṛsiṁha (placing H’pu on his lap): Oh not really. You see, I thought of that already, and I took my cue from the occasions when you had your son Prahlada on your lap. So I thought it only proper to give you the opportunity to sit…or rather, to lie down…on my lap, because, you see, the lap is well known to be neither on the earth nor in the sky. Isn’t this wonderful? Therrrre you go now. That’s it, you can drop your sword now. Comfortable? Head back, thaaats perfect! Now you are ready for our little surgical operation.

H’pu (looking up at Nṛsiṁhadeva, who looks down at H’pu): Ohhhh…you do seem to have me now. All this time I knew you were somewhere around, but I couldn’t find you, for you had hidden yourself so cleverly. And I know, you must have hired a lawyer to work out this method of getting around all my benedictions…very clever!

Nṛsiṁha: I have been peacefully residing in your own heart all along, but you didn’t notice. You wouldn’t listen to me, you would only listen to your wild mind and raging senses. Nor would you listen to the good advice of your son, my dear devotee, Prahlada. And now you have tried to kill my devotee. What madness! What led you to this? For your offense, you must die, and now this moment has come, the moment of truth.

H’pu (sighing deeply): It is so, my memory returns. I am your servant (long pause) but I forgot. I completely forgot. I am the greatest offender, a terrible demon. Please… Take me! Finish this wretched body! I am yours!

Nṛsiṁha: As I said, just a small and quick surgical operation and it will all be over. There, finished (digs his claws into H’pu’s gut, draws out the intestines and makes them into a garland which he wraps about his own neck), does that feel better now? (Sighs). (Speaking to himself) Yes, he looks so much more peaceful now. He will be just fine!

END.